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Thursday, February 25, 2010

why I would never have sex with Christian Bale despite being in love with him

First off, I suppose that saying I'm "in love" with him is misleading. "In love" implies an affection based on knowledge and interaction, usually in a relationship of some sort. What I feel - for a person I have never met - is more like hero worship. I suspect it's the way many people feel about religion. Except better, because Christian Bale could and would kick someone's ass.

So, I'm not in love with Christian Bale, but I still would never have sex with him. We're assuming for the sake of argument that the opportunity has presented itself in a non-heinous way, like a blow behind a trailer on a movie lot. And we're also assuming that in this time frame, I'm mega-hot, like Megan Fox hot. I would still say no.

I've put a lot thought of into it, as its clear that I have no life, and I just couldn't do it. I don't even know how his wife does it, and I'm pretty sure he loves her. It would be far too intimidating. How could anyone ever satisfy Christian Bale? I don't think its possible.

And I don't just mean sexually. I wouldn't want to be the guy that brings him waffles at an IHOP.

To clarify - I don't think he's a dick. When he yelled at the lighting guy, it seem pretty understandable to me. (Except when he says he's through with him professionally, which makes me wonder if they still see each other personally, for water polo perhaps). I just think that he is a perfectionist with clear and high standards, and if they're not met, he doesn't have a problem vocalizing that.

Honesty and standards are terrifying. I mean, isn't that what makes Batman so awesome? And our government so terrible? So much about government is about pandering, which makes it impossible to really stand for anything. The urge to please everyone makes you liar.

So what we need out of government is the same thing we get with Christan Bale - the ability to say the brutal truth without regard, to stand for something, to work hard, and to embody something larger then yourself.

Also, the ability to make everyone afraid of fucking you is a pretty good deal too.

4 comments:

  1. I wouldn't sleep with him either... but I'm a guy

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  2. OMG! That last line is frickin' hilarious!

    Nice job - it's one I won't forget.

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