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Friday, November 19, 2010

Behind the Curtain

Yesterday, I just checked some numbers. I just released a book, and for the first few days after it comes out, I track to see how well it was doing. While I was at it, I added up all the copies I had sold. Just through Kindle, without including my paperback or B&N or any other sales, I've sold over 30,000 books. In 214 days.

I literally have no idea what to make of this number.

Most of the time when things happen, I've stopped reacting. I don't think I can really fathom what's happening anymore. I keep expecting to wake up and have this all be fake.

When you envision something your whole life, and then it actually starts to happen, it's somewhat confusing. When dreams become a reality, it's hard decipher what's real.

I think what it makes the most confusing is that I still don't feel like an author. I've started referring to myself as one, but every time I say it, it feels like when I refer to myself as graceful right after I've tripped or smart after I've misspelled a word. It all feels sarcastic.

I feel so much like the Wizard of Oz. That I've somehow got people fooled, but you're all going to pull back the curtain and see a cowardly old man sitting there. "Why, she's no author at all! She's an old fool, and she's only been pretending!"

I guess I'd always just assumed that when I became an author, like a real author, it would be an Event. Like getting engaged or married. It would be a big deal where I could announce to the world that I'd arrived. And then I would feel different. I would be different. There would be some kind of transformation that changed from Regular me to Author me - this special person with special abilities and an impenetrable shell.

But that's what so bizarre about this. There was no Event. Author me is Regular me. I write as often as I ever did. I sleep as often as I ever did. And I put off doing the dishes as often as I ever did.

So there it is. I'm really just a man behind a curtain.

14 comments:

  1. those are some pretty awesome numbers :) I can only hope to achieve as well when I *gulp* do it :)

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  2. That's so awesome! And that number is only going to keep growing :D
    Yay for you!

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  3. Congratulations! That is wonderful news. How are you able to have such a quick turnaround with your books?! I have such difficulty pulling together the core of my new book after so recently finishing a previous one. It's like I have to wait for the characters to move out/on before I can begin a new book.

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  4. Amanda,

    This is so great. Congratulations! Just wait until your agent sells all those foreign writes. And btw, you are a REAL author.

    Deb

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  5. Wow--that was incredibly heartfelt and touching.

    The reason you're so successful is because you're talent is so deep rooted. I don't believe anyone will throw back a curtain and find anyone but the same Amanda that is there penning her stories for others to enjoy.

    I hope you get your Event, though. You deserve that! You need a rockin' celebration party!
    And... never, ever stumble over the words "I'm an author!" That's as silly as saying you don't breathe! Your one of the best, as your numbers prove, so enjoy it.

    Congrats on your stats :o]

    Kristi

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  6. Make Thanksgiving Day your Event. Seems almost appropriate. =)

    Or, be like my wife, who despises Valentine's Day and picked her own "Sweetheart's Day" in March.

    We're grownups now. We can choose our own special days. =)

    Congrats!

    -David

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  7. That is fantastic! Your My Blood Approves has made me a fan of you, and your writting. You are an amazing author and your sales proves it! Congrats..and stop feeling like it's a dream..because it's reality! What are you gonna feel like when your books hit shelves!? Keep on entertaining!

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  8. But Author You is Regular You. And there's nothing wrong with that! :-)

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  9. You've expressed this PERFECTLY, Amanda! For me, the reason it feels so odd is that it happened backwards. I always envisioned getting an agent, editor, book deal, publication, readers, money etc. all in that order. For Kindle authors, the readers and money came first, and everything else followed after (or didn't, which doesn't seem to matter so much because the important parts came upfront). It's all a little unsettling but wonderful.

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  10. Congrats. I admire you so much. I really hope I can do something like this.. honestly.

    You deserve it.

    xo.

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  11. Ur a great writer so I believe after selling that may books u've earned the title Author. Congrats on the success. I am a fan (and salesman)of ur books. I reconmend u to everyone I know.:)

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  12. This is wonderful news! Congratulations! ... and if you are sleeping and this is fake, then I hope you don't wake up because this is some of the best writing that I've come across in a long time. It's been quite awhile since I've picked up a book and seriously couldn't put it down without constantly picking it back up to read some more. I just can't get enough. The flow of your writing is awesome. The rise and fall of each chapter is perfect. The characters are amazing and I'm a huge fan... and a brand new one.

    I just read the "My Blood Approves" first 4 books in less than a week and now I'm off to go get everything else available that you've written.

    I love it when damn good writers get much deserved recognition!

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