Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Oh, Internet, and Your Wicked Untruths

The subtitle of this blog could be titled "How Google Alerts Are Ruining My Life."

It's too easy for me to find misinformation about myself, and I can't help myself. I have to correct it. I'm compelled to set the record straight. So be prepared for a long-ish blog where I say things.

Okay, first of all, I'm not "averaging" 30,000 sales a month. To be honest, I'm not "averaging" anything. I've only been at this for going on 9 months, and every month has been different. I'm not going to post my monthly sales totals (mostly because I'm lazy but also because December isn't over yet).  But if you were to average out my current total of books sold over 9 months, I'd average about 15,000 books a month.

Second, my agent isn't why I'm successful. That's not saying anything bad about Steve. But he is my agent - not my publicist. He has done no marketing for me. He and his foreign agents have negotiated deals with foreign publishers and pitched my books to other foreign publishers. They've also pitched audio and film rights. That's what an agent does. They don't set up up marketing campaigns. They don't edit books or make covers. They pitch books to various people who buy rights and negotiate contracts.

On a side note, I think it's going to be more and more common for self-published authors to have agents. Why? Because I can't read foreign contracts. I don't know how to negotiate for a better deal. And most movie studios won't accept my calls. You dig?

Third, I use the word foxy. Okay? Me and my friends all use the word foxy. All the time. In fact, in reference to attractive young men, I refer to them almost exclusively as "foxy" or "dreamy." I think the word "cute" is for puppies, and "sexy" sounds dirty. I will not apologize for using the word foxy.

Fourth, I had nothing to do with this book: Kindle Maestro. I have not read it. I did not help write it. I do not endorse it. I have no idea what's inside of it. But I strongly believe that everything you need to know about publishing on Kindle is available for free on the internet, and most of it at Joe Konrath's blog.

Fifth, I am not magical. Having me endorse your book will not help it sell. Having me read your book will not help it sell. I do not have special powers. People credit for me for things I had no power over. If I could make other people's books sell, Jenny Pox would be #1 in the Kindle store. And it's not. So I'm clearly not magic.

Sixth, I have a Frequently Asked Questions tab at the top because I want to make life easier on you. So please check it out.

Seventh, my age seems to be of some dispute, which seems strange to me, since I have my birthday posted all over the place. I'm sixteen. Just kidding, I'm not. But I've considered telling people that because then my success would seem even more awesome. But I'm not sixteen. I'm twenty-six.

I feel like I read something else incorrect that had me enraged, but I don't remember what it was, so it must not have been very bad.

If I come across as snappy or snarky, I apologize. It's not my intent to be. And I don't feel crabby. But I do feel a bit... overwhelmed lately. I'm not complaining at all. But a lot has happened in a very short amount of time, and I'm still trying to figure out the best way to do everything.

The bottom line: I write books for teens about trolls and vampires and zombies that are meant to be fun and entertaining. That's it. Although lately, I've spent more time playing Robot Unicorn Attack than writing, but that happens to be the best game ever.