Tuesday, March 27, 2012

More Human Than Human

I didn't really go to college. I mean, I kinda did. We have a community college in town, and the first time I went for a semester, I took like 9 or 12 credits or something, and I only went to one class or maybe I didn't go to any of them. I don't remember any more, but the good news is that I finally paid off my student loan for that.

The second time I went to college I was much more committed. But I was working two jobs, working around 60-70 hours a week, and I tried to take a full course load on top of that. I went to all my classes for the first two months, but by month three, I was too burnt out and only went to my English class.

And thus ended my college experience.

Well, sorta. I had a couple friends who were in college, and I used to write papers for them all the time. I don't know why exactly. My friends aren't idiots and could probably write great papers themselves. They didn't pay me for them or anything either. I just liked doing the paper to see what kind of grades I could I get, I guess.

I don't actually know what my incentive was, actually. I just know that I did them. I don't remember all of them, but I wrote a couple choice ones for Eric. One was about censorship, and the other was about drug testing in the pharmaceutical industry. Eric got an A on both papers.

My absolutely favorite paper I've ever written in my entire life was for my friend Fifi. She was in some movie class. I don't really know why or what it was about anymore, but they had to watch movies and discuss them and write papers on them.

Her assignment was to watch the movie Blade Runner, and if I recall correctly, she tried watching it but she kept falling asleep during it. To which, I freaked out on her several times, saying things like, "Blade Runner is amazing! How can you sleep through that?" Eric defended her by saying that it gave him BillyBobThorntonitis*

(*BillyBobThorntonitis is the made up name for a real condition that both Eric and I suffer from, although for Eric it's much more severe. Basically, it's the feeling you get when you're watching a film, particularly an old film, that makes you feel dirty and gross and just plain icky, so you don't want to watch it. Eric coined the term, because apparently, Billy Bob Thornton makes him feel that way, or more specifically, Slingblade made him feel that way. Had I named the condition, I would've called it DavidLynchitis.

As an aside, "itis" is a suffix meaning inflammation, so what Eric is actually is that he has an inflammation of the Billy Bob Thornton, which makes me picture Billy Bob with his head all red and swollen, and that makes me giggle.)

Anyway, back to the story. So Fifi can't/won't/doesn't want to watch Blade Runner. I love the movie, and I've actually read the book that it's based on (Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick, who I also love lots).

So I wrote this paper, and I titled it "More Human Than Human," mostly because as I was writing the paper, I had that White Zombie song stuck in my head the entire time. And it was a really good paper, and it got an A.

It bums me out, because I don't know where that paper is. Fifi probably threw it away, which makes sense, because most people don't hang onto their schoolwork for ten years, myself included. But I really loved that paper.

Now I want to go watch Blade Runner. And Total Recall. I could probably talk Eric into watching Total Recall but not Blade Runner, for the aforementioned reasons.

Also, what are your thoughts on the upcoming remake of Total Recall starring Colin Farrell? And the Ridley Scott Alien prequel/sequel/tie-in/reboot/? Prometheus. I'm cautiously excited about both. They both made it on my Summer Movie List (which is prestigious).

And as another aside to this rambling blog that really doesn't have much of a point whatsoever, many of books have small allusions to the works of Ridley Scott. I'm a big fan. Also, his name is Ridley, which is pretty sweet ass.