Friday, April 13, 2012

Australia 2.0

My gosh I love Australia. I probably love it more than any other place I've never been. In my mind, it is a magical land with insanely gorgeous reefs, unnaturally attractive people, and the most bizarre, awesome animals.

Did you know that the platypus is venomous? And something like 8 out of 10 of the world's most deadly spiders or ants or snakes live in Australia? (I watched a show on Animal Planet once where I learned this fact, and it was something that was poisonous, but I can't remember what anymore). If I recall correctly, there are a lot of poisonous animals in Australia though. And I think that's awesome.

I think that's what did it. Everything in Australia is clearly trying to kill everyone there. So it's some kind natural selection where only the truly awesome people can survive it. It's like a pressure cooker of amazingness.

Name one person from Australia that isn't awesome. Do it. I dare you. You can't. (Okay, there is that serial guy that I just watched a movie about, and some other douches I'm sure. No country is perfect. But I'm saying their "awesome" to "not awesome" ratio is staggering.)

That's why Australians always marry Australians. Even when they move to the United States (i.e. Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman). Americans can't live up to their awesomeness. It's a well known fact that's why Nicole Kidman's and Tom Cruise's marriage didn't work. People blame it on the Scientology, but it's really the Australian thing.

And in Australia, Daniel Johns is like a real celebrity, right? Not like here, where I go, "Hey, Daniel Johns is the neatest. Have you guys listened to Young Modern?" And then people have no idea what I'm talking about, and I get sad and go in my room to cuddle Young Modern and Diorama

(Related note - any word on his solo album? I'm stalking the internet for information, but last I'd heard he was working on. But that's it).

I'm following this guy on instagram now, and he's been taking all these stunning pictures of the Australian coast. I believe he's in Perth, but don't quote me on this. Anyway, it's insanely gorgeous. I look at his pictures every day, salivating over the magical splendor of it.

Plus, if that wasn't enough, the good folks in Australia have been doing a bananas job of promoting my books, and Australian readers have been incredibly welcoming. I really do need to thank all the people working in Australia to get my books out there, especially Dolly mag that was literally getting hundreds and hundreds of copies of Switched out there.

But there's really just icing on the cake. Even if you guys all hated my book, I would still love you.

I've blogged of my Australia love in the past, and apparently it was around this time last year. There must be something in the air that gets me in an Australia frenzy.

I saw Cabin in the Woods tonight (fairly awesome, made me laugh, had a couple jumps, and it had the single greatest scene with a unicorn I've ever seen). The film starred Chris Hemsworh. Yeah, I know he was in Thor, but somehow that long hair threw me off and made me not realize he was attractive.

(I think it was cause it reminded me of that one guy I don't like. But I don't know know who that one guy is right now. I want to say Sean Bean, but I like Sean Bean, and he usually doesn't have long hair. So basically I have no idea what I'm talking about.)

So then I found out that Chris Hemsworth was from Australia, and I was like, "Duh. Everybody is awesome from Australia." Hence, this blog.

I should probably stop being a freak and go back to writing. In fact, I will do that now. But I just wanted to to say, "Hey, Australia, how you doin'?" and follow it up with a Joey Tribbiani smile.